So, I really want to rock some worlds. Well, other than my fiancee's world, but children might read this so that has to be saved for my amateur porn site.

But, here's the thing--I still can't get a job. Granted, I spent most of January building up for a huge emotional breakdown. But now that I'm sane again, things still aren't showing up on the radar.

Now that I'm on month 6 of unemployment, is there any point? I'm beyond fucked for money--we're $6,000 short on the wedding, and there's no way I can afford to get into that private photography school this fall. Christ, I don't even know how I'll pay the bills when they show up next week.

Gah, why the fuck did I move back to Winnipeg? Oh, yeah, I was trading my happy existence in a mountain town for greater career prospects here. Right. Yeah.....

So I'm about to start month #5 of unemployment. That's not to say I've been unemployed five months yet, but if I get any of the jobs I'm in the process of applying for right away, it will be 5 months without a paycheque. This alone will count against me in my future job-applying endeavors. So, too, will my experience in retail and restaurants/nightclubs, having 6.5 years of university education, not having student debt, and wanting to live in Winnipeg. Yes, these have all counted against me in recent interviews.

I'd like to give special honours to Dell Computers and an unnamed solar panel retailer, for their especially annoying H.R. stance. The "interviewer" at Dell was nice enough to lay down a guilt trip over my having completed two separate degrees (she was assumedly a dropout). Meanwhile, the solar panel retailer said they'd rather have an electrical engineer to manage the painfully dismal retail store, as opposed to a retail whiz-kid. Oh, and they had to be on unemployment insurance, so they didn't have to be paid for their work. No, really.

Of course, there's always Home Depot turning me down for having an IQ above "easily manipulated," the "no experience neccessary" car dealer that wanted someone with experience, and the "we'll call you right back" headhunting firm I called three months ago. And no, they haven't called back.

Not that it's all bad. I've got an inside track for two marketing jobs, and CP Rail hasn't turned me down for the latest application I've thrown them (Four so far--and I got a free USB key out of it!). It's just frustrating when you know you can do the job, but you just don't have that one line on a resume that qualifies you to do it. Like New Flyer industries (city bus manufacturer) leaving an entry-level position unfilled for at least the four months I've been looking while they ignore my calls, emails, and applications. Gahhhhhh!!!!

Anyways </rant> something's gotta come up soon. And if not, well, I've got a photography website in the works (launch date: ASAFP) so maybe that'll bring in a few more bucks to cover the rent. Fuck knows where it'll come from tomorrow.

Graduation was yesterday, and suddenly I can relate to these little guys:

So the flight is booked, the cardboard box on yonge street is reserved, and I'm off to Toronto for several fun-filled days of debauchery and graduation! How much debauchery, you ask? Well, my father's former drinking buddy from University (Don Triggs) is getting the honorary degree. Now, if that isn't historical graduational debauchery, I don't know what is!!

Apparently, I also have a months' worth of work waiting for me when I get back, if I decide to do it. I know, I'm supposedly starting out as a photographer and possibly getting into some kind of retail or tour business, but it seems to be easier said than done. Especially when your commercial real estate broker goes out of their way to ignore your messages and emails (thanks Shawn!). Maybe this month of work will be exactly what I need to motivate me to get off my ass and git'r done. And maybe start paying for the plane ticket back to Toronto.

Anyways, I better quit being emo and do something with my life... Give me a shout if you're in TO and want to hang out sometime between Thursday and Wednesday, and we'll, like, do stuff.....

So two big things:

1) I switched to Telus so I could get a local phone number. And because the people at Fido in Calgary are serious assholes who won't give me a local number. If I like you, I'll give it to you...

2) As of June 11th, Jordan will have left the building. And by building, I mean Ryerson. And if I can afford the plane ticket, I might just be back in TO in time for the White Trash Summer Bash!

So, who's gonna be around for drinks/debauchery that weekend?

I'm working construction, doing unskilled labour, and earning the same as the job my overpriced degree got me. It's a hell of a lot more fun, too, although I'm in constant pain from all the heavy lifting & strenuous work, so I gotta keep looking. Or just get my fat ass back in shape.

On a bright side, I've got a spot reserved at the Lilac Festival (1-day street festival at 4th street & 17th avenue in Calgary) to sell prints of my photography. That being said, I've yet to pick up any of my inventory, and still have to get the prints ordered from Black's. I worry that I've screwed myself with all this procrastination, but I always seem to pull something off. Why? Because I rawk, that's why.

Anyways, I gotta quit surfing porn and order business cards... Happy Victoria Day weekend!

Well, except you, Bookwibble. Our forefathers had the good sense to keep the queen so we don't have to work this Monday ;)

Well, I finally said "Down with the Man!" and put in my two week's notice at the Credit Union. The plan is to ditch the day-job thing and become a full-time photographer, but it leaves me with a big question: what now?

I'm probably leaning towards wedding/portrait work, with a little bit of photostock and "art" when I have the time & energy. But the question is, where the hell am I moving to? I need to learn more and expand my talent, but I also need to be somewhere that I'm not surrounded by superior talent, so that I'm not just another nobody. And staying in Banff might not be the best idea, since there's already a half dozen photographers here already--and the population base is less than what there's supposed to be to support a single photographer.

I think about Toronto, too; I miss the city, and I miss the music scene. But then I read Shaggy's LJ and remember all the drama, and realize I'd be jumping right back into the popularity contest. At the moment, I'm really thinking about Calgary, but the boom is about to stop; energy revenues are down, and according to one "reliable source" (my cousin) suppliers to the energy companies charged disproportionately more when oil prices went up, so they're less profitable now than before the boom. Then again, the labour shortage is as bad as ever meaning I'll have no trouble getting that dream job at Tim Hortons!!

So I did it. I finally sold out to "the man."

I got a job at the Bow Valley Credit Union.

On the bright side, at least it's the community owned "man." Which may or may not be better, but we'll have to wait and see.

I'm also not sure where this fits in the grand scheme of things. I'm working on a business plan to start my own youth hostel, which I would rather open sooner than later. At least, I think I do. Of course, I still plan on fulfilling my dreams of being a ballerina as well, but that'll just have to wait....

Well, I'm back in Banff, and it's for good. It finally feels right, like this is where I belong. As far as I can tell, this is probably home.

I got a bad start on the day and got from Tofino to Victoria on Thurs., got a bad start Friday (but justified, as I found a store that was selling Mono and Chlamydia--Congradulations if you get the joke) and got to Kamloops. Apparently the youth hostel in Kamloops that's advertised so well in all other youth hostels was closed down last year by the city, so I had to spend the night in a Howard Johnson hotel. And to be honest, most youth hostels have better amenities for less than a third of the price. I finally rolled into Banff around 3.30-ish today, starving and coming down way too fast from too many stops at Tim Horton's. Damn you Double-Double and your trace amounts of nicotine!!

Anyways, I have to rush off and meet Victoria, and find out if her couch is available for one night. I also need to get rid of all the crap weighing down my car so I don't lay awake at night, worrying that someone will break in again through the hole in the door left by the street junkie in Vancouver that broke into my car and cleaned it out (did I mention my car got broken into and cleaned out by a street junkie in Vancouver? Oh, it got broken into and cleaned out, alright.)

Anyways {/dead milkmen references}, that's my story for now. Hope the rest of you are doing good, and if not, I wish painful and agonizing death involving autoasphixiation and a circus midget upon the people that prevent you from doing good.

So my mind's made up: I'm heading back to the Bow Valley!

I want the mountain life, with a hint of city and opportunity. And although BC is really beautiful, it's not me. So, it's either off to become one of the republican borg (Montana rockies), learn to make watches and chocolate (Switzerland) or move to Banff. And yes, the Swiss Alps are more beautiful with better skiing, but I couldn't afford it when I was there as a backpacker living off cheap booze and canned beans, and I certainly can't afford it now with a 27 mpg car and an inability to drink toxic beer (see: local brewery in Interlakken, Switzerland).

Anyways, I just emailed about some accomodations, and hopefully job, money, opportunity, and happiness will be soon to follow.